“You don’t trust Me. You believe in Me but you do not trust Me.”
Those thoughts came to me one day as I was tearfully pouring out my heart to God. It was during a time when I felt completely out of control of my life. The story of my life, the one which I had scripted, did not include this suffering and pain. It was supposed to be a fairy tale life where all my good deeds and actions resulted in sunshine and happiness. As I prayed, the Holy Spirit laid that conviction upon my heart. I was praying to God, while at the same time, I was telling Him how He should work it all out. I was fighting for control even at the moment I knew I had no control.
In the book of Job, we meet a man God himself sets apart as “...For there is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”(Job 1:8). Yet, calamity and chaos soon envelop Job’s world. Job was in a dark place emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Yet, he knew he had not sinned against God and therefore his sufferings were illogical to him. Early in the book, Job says these words, “...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10). But as Job continues to sit in grief, sadness, and pain, he rails at injustice of God. Again and again asking “why” and complaining to God that his situation is undeserved. “Therefore I will not keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” (Job 7:11)
Why God? I don’t deserve this, why me God?
As Job’s story continues, we are allowed to listen in on several back-and-forth speeches
between Job and his friends. At first, the friends sit quietly and allow Job to lament but eventually, they decide to take the “tough love” approach. They spend much time trying to convince him there must be unconfessed sin in his life. Otherwise, God would not be punishing him with this suffering. Like we so often do, they too placed limits on God by assuming that God always punishes the bad and rewards the good. Throughout the pages of dialog, Job refutes each of their arguments and continues to maintain his innocence.
But in chapter 38, God Himself shows up to the conversation:
Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind. He said:
Who is this who obscures my counsel with ignorant words? Get ready to answer me like
a man; when I question you, you will inform me.
Where were you when I established the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who fixed its dimensions? Certainly you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it? What supports its foundations?
Have you ever in your life commanded the morning or assigned the dawn its place,
Have you traveled to the sources of the sea or walked in the depths of the oceans?
Have the gates of death been revealed to you?
Have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Have you comprehended the extent of the
earth? Tell me, if you know all this. (Job 38 1-5, 12,16-18)
Will you condemn Me that you may be justified? (Job 40:8b)
God continues posing questions to which no human can answer. Each question making it
apparent that Job is not the sovereign, omnipotent, omniscient Creator of the world. That role belongs to God alone and only He is able to hold it all together. Through God’s words, Job realizes that he actually never truly knew God. He had a knowledge of God and within his limited understanding, he had ascribed characteristics, motives, and actions to God. He believe he could comprehend and know all about God. But as God spoke, Job’s spiritual eyes were opened to see that in truth, God is incomprehensible.
Then Job answered the Lord:
“I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted;
you asked, ‘Who is this who darkens counsel without knowledge?’ But I have declared
without understanding things too wonderful for me to know.
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye has seen you.
Therefore I despise myself, and I repent in dust and ashes!” (Job 42:5)
We know from the opening chapters that Job was not repenting of any sin he had transgressed against God. Job is repenting for his incorrect perception of God and for all the words he had spoken demanding an account from God for his situation. Job had believed in a small god that he understood. A god that he could manipulate based on his actions and deeds. Just like the prophet Isaiah, Job is given the ability to see the majesty and bigness of God.
Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand
marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who can fathom the Spirit of the Lord, or instruct the Lord as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge, or showed him the path of understanding? (Isaiah 40:12-14)
At times, it is so easy to believe the same lie satan convinced Eve to believe in the garden. God is not good. He is not trustworthy. He is holding out on you. You can be a better god. At least it is easy to believe when your eyes are looking down, myopically focused on yourself. Life’s circumstances and the emotions generated by the situation, impair our vision and limit our perception. Thankfully, God gave us the Scriptures so that we can know Him and know His attributes. Unlike us, he doesn’t just extend love, He is love. It is impossible for Him to be anything other than just, merciful, and loving. When we can’t understand our circumstances, we can trust God because we can trust who He is and know there is always purpose in the pain. Nothing that befalls us, in our small part of the big story, will happen outside His plan and His providence.
In the end, Job’s view of God became more intimate and more real. The painful sufferings that he had endured leading up to this point became “light and momentary afflictions” (1 Cor 4:17) when compared to the glory and majesty of knowing God on a deeper level.
Like Job, I now choose to shift my focus onto the sheer incomprehensibility of God whenever I am tempted to distrust Him. When trials and suffering come my way, I can choose to ask God to teach me more about Him in the process. I can know that trust placed in God will never be misplaced. He will never let me down. He will always be about my good for His glory.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5